A team’s success is usually tied to its members’ adherence to a few simple rules. The members of successful teams abide by those rules. The members of struggling teams usually break them.
I shared a story last spring (Resisting the Urge to Criticize) about some AAU basketball players criticizing their fellow teammates behind their teammates’ backs during a car ride.
Of all the simple rules team members should abide by, not talking negatively about teammates who are not present should be at the top of the list. Breaking this sacred rule leads to fractured relationships and destroys teams.
As I mentioned last spring: What is said will inevitably get back to the teammate being criticized. Feelings will be hurt. Resentment will manifest. And Drama will ensue.
Not talking about teammates behind their backs isn’t only a sacred rule, it’s a simple rule. It’s easy to follow in that it requires nothing more than self-restraint. If teammates are not present, you simply don’t speak negatively about them.
In our society, we follow simple rules every day. Sociologists refer to them as norms. Some norms are explicit and regulated, like traffic laws. Others are more implicit, like table manners. Simple rules govern the acceptable behaviors of our society.
Take traffic laws, for example. In America, drivers drive on the right side of the road. It’s a simple rule that every American driver is expected to follow.
When a driver breaks that simple rule, cars crash—and people get hurt. If you can’t follow that simple rule, you don’t deserve to be driving on the road.
When a team member doesn’t follow the simple rule of not criticizing teammates who aren’t present, teams crash—and people get hurt. If you can’t follow that simple rule, you don’t deserve to be on the team.
It doesn’t matter how accurate or harmless you think the criticism is. Nor does it matter if others agree with your criticism. What matters is the fact that you are vocalizing your thoughts outside of the teammates’ presence.
Being a good teammate means demonstrating the restraint to not ever talk negatively about teammates who aren’t present.
You can confront them and share your criticism directly to their face. You can share your thoughts privately, if the situation merits, to an authority figure who has the power to address the issue. But you cannot openly share your thoughts with anyone who doesn’t fall into either of those categories.
To do so is tantamount to gossip. And when it comes to teams, gossip gathers the weak and weakens the gathering. Good teammates protect their teams’ cultures by not gossiping—and by following the simple rules.
As always…Good teammates care. Good teammates share. Good teammates listen. Go be a good teammate.
