I love meeting interesting people. Recently, I had the pleasure of meeting a young man named Nicholas while eating dinner at a new restaurant.
Nicholas was our waiter, and he told me the story of how both his maternal and paternal grandparents immigrated to America from Poland. He said they learned to speak English after their arrival but never learned to read or write the language.
They were insistent, though, that their children, Nicholas’ parents, who were both born in America, be raised to be fully fluent in both English and Polish. They wanted their children to be able to speak, read, and write both languages with proficiency.
Nicholas’ parents were less demanding of him and his sister. They did not force them to become fully fluent in both languages.
Having also been born and raised in America, Nicholas’ primary language was English. Having grown up listening to his parents and grandparents, he learned to speak Polish. But he could not read or write it.
Nicholas was illiterate when it came to his grandparents’ native language, which sometimes caused a rift between them.
A similar situation can play out on teams when it comes to love languages.
Dr. Gary Chapman introduced the concept of love languages in his bestselling book The 5 Love Languages: Secrets to Love that Lasts as way to explain how different people express and feel love.
The five languages are: 1) Words of Affirmation (expressing love through kind words and compliments), 2) Acts of Service (showing love through helpful actions), 3) Receiving Gifts (demonstrating love by giving presents), 4) Quality Time (spending dedicated, focused time together), and 5) Physical Touch (expressing love through physical contact like hugs and cuddles).
With little explanation, most team members can identify how they express and feel love. They recognize their love language. However, far fewer recognize their teammates’ love languages.
Essentially, this disconnect renders them able to speak the language but unable to read or write it. Like Nicholas, they too are illiterate—which can cause rifts on their teams.
Being an invested teammate means being able to express your love for your teammates AND being able to recognize how they express and feel love.
Failing to validate a teammate’s love language translates to dismissing, minimizing, or otherwise refusing to acknowledge the emotions they’re expressing. You’re effectively telling them that their love is not valid, which can lead to feelings of resentment in the relationship.
You devalue their contributions by not reading/recognizing their love language.
Love is crucial to team success because it propels passion, sacrifice, commitment, loyalty, etc. If you want your team to experience success, you need to be fully fluent in your teammates’ love languages.
As always…Good teammates care. Good teammates share. Good teammates listen. Go be a good teammate.
