When my daughter was a toddler, she would put her index finger on her nose anytime she lied. In poker terms, it was her no-so-subtle “tell.”
Did you draw on the wall with that crayon?
No. (Put finger on nose.)
Did you spill those Cheerios on the floor?
No. (Put finger on nose.)
Did you put that stuffed animal in the toilet?
No. (Put finger on nose.)
Her putting her finger on her nose after she responded was cute and comical but also a little baffling. My wife and I weren’t sure why she was doing so until we learned that my mother-in-law had read her a story about Pinocchio.
Our daughter was touching her nose to keep it from growing the way the beloved wooden boy puppet’s did.
Detecting whether someone is lying is rarely as easy as seeing their nose grow or them putting their finger on their nose. Although a neuropsychology study done a few years ago at the University of Granada suggests that paying attention to a speaker’s nose might provide some insight.
Using thermography, the researchers found that the tip of the nose drops in temperature whenever people lie. Whereas the forehead and areas around the nose increase in temperature. The rapid rise temperature—known as the Pinocchio Effect—causes people to fidget and touch their face.
Though perhaps interesting, this information hardly provides the sort of useful insight that saves a team from disruptions caused by team members’ dishonesty.
Anyone who has ever had to deal with dishonest teammates knows that detecting their lies isn’t your biggest challenge; it’s deciding what to do about their lying. The wrong response can end up damaging your team more than the actual lies.
So how do you handle Pinocchio Teammates—individuals who habitually tell white lies?
First, figure out the reason for their lies. Are they trying to fit in? Are they feeling left out? Are they overwhelmed by internal or external pressure? Are they overcompensating for some other shortcoming? Are they trying to conceal a bigger problem?
Once you determine the reason for their lying, confront the situation. But make sure your confrontation comes in the form of a conversation. You don’t want them to become too defensive or dismissive.
Give them the sweet and then the sour. Then ask them open ended questions, like: Can you help me understand why you said ____? Can you share with me what compelled you to respond that way? How do think we can keep this from happening?
The reality may be that you or another team member is unintentionally putting them in a position where they feel they need to lie. Paying greater attention to their needs, validating their feelings, or making it clear that you are willing to accept their truths without retaliation provides them with psychological safety and could easily resolve the issue.
Taking this approach will undoubtedly give your Pinocchio Teammate story a happily-ever-after ending. Think of it as your attempt to cure the disease instead of treating the symptoms.
As always…Good teammates care. Good teammates share. Good teammates listen. Go be a good teammate.
