When your teammates’ behaviors fall short of your teams’ standards, you have an obligation to hold them accountable. Good teammates take this responsibility seriously.
Confronting wayward peers can be tricky business. They’re not likely to appreciate your criticism, especially if you have no formal authority over them.
How you approach the situation matters greatly. The wrong approach could cause them to become defensive or dismissive, which will exacerbate the problem.
Here are five rules good teammates follow for confronting their errant teammates:
1. Never Criticize Before You Empathize
Why is your teammate acting the way that they are? Before you critique their behavior, make a point to try and understand the reason behind their actions. Are they feeling underappreciated? Do they not understand the expectations? Is there an ulterior agenda?
You won’t be able to help them if you don’t take the time to discover what’s driving their waywardness.
2. Give Them the Sweet, Then the Sour
Begin your confrontation with a positive affirmation. Recognize something they’re doing right before you bring up what they’re doing wrong. For example: Jesse, you’re a hard worker. But your punctuality is disrupting our team. We need you to show up on time.
Beginning the confrontation with blunt negativity will compel them to respond defensively. They will put up the proverbial wall and prevent your message from being transmitted.
3. Attack the Action, Not the Actor
Don’t make your confrontation about the person, make it about their behavior. Avoid assigning labels. Instead of calling them slow or lazy, tell them: “You need to move faster” or “You need to be more active.”
Karen Scheuer wrote a wonderful children’s book about conflict resolution titled A Bug and a Wish. The concept is to confront offenders by stating: It bugs me when you _____. I wish you would _____. This simple script is an excellent way to keep the confrontation focused on the action instead of the actor.
4. Steer Clear of Sarcasm
The word sarcasm comes from the ancient Greek word sarkázein, which meant “to tear flesh.” Bitter, snarky remarks hurt and cue adverse reactions. Sarcastic comments may be funny to you and nearby onlookers, but they rarely are to the recipient.
The objective of your confrontation should be to heal, not hurt. Forego the sarcasm in favor of more palatable phrasing.
5. Control Your Temper
Confrontation involves an element of uncertainty. You don’t know how the people you’re confronting are going to react. They may embrace what you say. They may dismiss what you say. They may become defensive and launch an angering counterattack.
You can’t control their response, but you can control your response to their response. Remain calm and focus on the reason for the confrontation—to help your team move forward. Volatile, emotionally charged exchanges will not achieve this objective.
Adhering to these rules eases the difficulty associated with confrontation.
As always…Good teammates care. Good teammates share. Good teammates listen. Go be a good teammate.
